A Lesson in Evolving

How to begin to self parent

This mother’s day I walked into my local grocery store and bought myself some flowers.  As I stared at all the roses, cards, and balloons that said Mothers day, my thoughts taunted me. It said things like “Taneshia, what are you doing? You're not a mom. Grab your mother some red roses in one of those fancy vases that she likes and call it a day”, but I couldn’t do it this year. This year, something was piercing my soul saying “What about me?”. I stood there for a minute, placing my mother’s flowers in my cart, while trying to make a decision for myself.  A couple of things were becoming clear for me:

 My spirit and body were becoming one. The subtle instincts and gut feelings I had had my whole life, finally had a name- and that name was trust. I trusted myself that I needed more. On a day where mothers are celebrated I was acknowledging for the first time that I too was a mother. I had never shared flesh of my flesh or gave birth to anyone, but I had indeed raised myself from that five year old wounded little girl I was into the forty year old evolving and growing woman I was becoming. 

I wanted recognition for my hard work. The days I went to codependency anonymous meetings, facilitated meetings, went to therapy after a long day of work, got up early and spent time with God and myself, even when I wanted to hit the snooze button, and most importantly I wanted to be rewarded for the long nights crying trying to build my self awareness and become one with myself. 

Over the years I had learned the value and meaning in self-parenting. Self-parenting involves us going back and acknowledging what we needed in our childhood, asking ourselves what negative behavior patterns have we developed in the midst of shortcomings and trauma, and then assessing what we need moving forward. I was coming to the understanding that even though I didn’t always get the love I needed as a child, I had learned to give it to myself as an adult. I watched myself learn how to give myself compassion, practice positive self-talk versus being over critical, and finally accepting that it is okay to make mistakes as long as I learn from them and move forward.

 As I stood there reflecting on all of these thoughts I felt warm tears start to drift from my eyes down to my cheeks. I wiped them, picked up a vase of blooming tangerine and soft pink lilies. and smiled while softly whispering to myself “happy mother’s day Taneshia”. I wrapped my other hand around my arm and gently rocked back and forth giving myself a big hug for doing the hard work to heal. I was thankful to be giving myself this level of gratitude on a day as special as mother’s day. 

If you have been wondering what it takes to heal, the first step is you becoming self-aware. Our pain is seeking acknowledgement. We can go to therapy, read books, listen to podcasts, etc and see no results if we have not accepted our past trauma and pain. Minimizing our pain makes it linger. It starts to fester into bad habits and thoughts that prevent us from getting the love, support, and respect that we desire in our relationships with others and with ourselves.

Know that I love you, you are never alone on this healing journey. We were not wounded overnight therefore we can’t heal overnight. However we can carry thoughts of compassion, love, and joy in our hearts; knowing that as long as we stay on our healing journey and center ourselves we will always come out on the winning side of life.

Below I have written down a few questions for you to reflect on. Feel free to share any responses in the discussion section or send me a direct message.

www.tjselfcare.com